Ranty McMangerson

Another post in such a short space of time? What could have possibly got Sarah so riled? Well my friends, it is the seemingly unoffensive Alan Titchmarsh Show! Yes everyone's favourite presenter of the much beloved Ground Force is apparently trying really hard to get on my hitlist. So much so that I was incensed to write a plan for this while the show was still on - to my mother's great amusement. When I came into the front room a debate was being introduced about 'Good Ole Blighty' and to be entirely honest it only went downhill from there on, lol. Apparently there is a mass exodus going on at the moment of people leaving the aforementionned 'Good Ole Blighty' and heading off for better climes. Why this abandonment? Well you see England is going to the dogs. I know, I was shocked too when I found this out! The recent media coverage of doom of crime and the like has led poor Alan and many of his Daily Express, Richard Littlejohn-esque friends to flee out of fear for their own lives...

So what would the almighty Alan have as a suggestion to bring unruly Britain back to the 'Good Old Days'? The naughty step? Oh no a far more ingenius plan (which on hearing, it took great restraint for me not to pull out my hair/throw something at the television)...he wants a government grant. Not a seemingly illogical request? But what does this great social philosopher intend to do with the hypothetical grant...bet you can't guess...oh go on have a try...Buy a big table and four chairs for each household!!! Clearly, it's a stroke of genius! Except for families with more than four members, those who work irregular hours and so forth. But lets not let such trivialances stop Alan, he's on such a roll. However he apparently needed help from a lovely lady from the Daily Mirror - who I was deceived enough to think would maybe politely show Alan the error of his ways. Unfortunately this lady (and I try to avoid sweeping generalisations, honest) with the Home Counties accent merely encouraged him, manging on about how good things were in the past and how the reason for all this crime is...a crisis in the family. Now I accept that family structures have changed but how could you possibly lay all the blame at the door of the family. I understand how important the family is but it is not the only influence on our lives and no particular type of family is more or less prone to such horrendous acts as would lead to a mass exodus. There are many other socioeconomic factors and *drifts off into Sociology rant from college which I will spare you from* So the lady finished off, after ranting about a lack of respect, by saying we need to reinstill fear. A contradiction mayhaps?!?!!!!! I was so appalled that I put my headphones on and tried to block out the next segment which was on naked fishermen *shudders*.